Male Language Patterns

What Men Really Mean

• "I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
• "That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
• "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
• "It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
• "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
• "It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."
• "I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."
• "We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
• "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
• "That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"
• "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."
• "You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."
• "It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."
• "You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
• "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
• "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
• "I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."
• "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
• "What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"
• "She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee."
• "I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
• "You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."
• "I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."
• "I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
• "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."
• "This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as much as I like my truck."
• "We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."
• "I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

Comments (0) 28.06.2007. 09:49